We’re continuing our small group series looking at what Scripture says about the topic of healthy dating. We’re using various passages from the Bible to discuss God’s design for romantic relationships. Our goal is to help our teenagers get a clearer idea of God’s intentions in our relationships and what a Christ-like dating relationship or marriage looks like.

This week, we’re using Proverbs 18:22 and talking about how God wants to see us experience healthy relationships—including our dating relationships. Unfortunately, our culture sends mixed messages about the purpose of dating, which can confuse young people and make it easier to pursue unhealthy dating relationships. Our groups will discuss the value of learning to be patient when it comes to dating, learning to listen to wisdom from God and others, and learning to be satisfied with God’s plan for their lives.

I’d encourage you to take a few minutes this week to talk with your teenager about ways to keep pursuing healthy dating relationships. Here are some questions you could include during your conversation:

• How does patience create long-term satisfaction in a relationship?
• How do you decide how to set boundaries in your dating relationships? Besides reading the Bible, how and where might you find this wisdom?
• How does your relationship with God affect and form your approach to all your other relationships? If your relationship with God is weak, how might that impact all your other relationships?

Take a few moments and pray with your teenager, asking God to help protect your child’s mind and heart from things that might steer your student from God’s incredible plans. Have a blessed week!

When I look at Pokemon, I see a magical game that kids play through role-playing.  The cards, the DS game, whatever medium they use, they are definitely devoted to it.  That word devotion is key here.  How much are our kids not only playing Pokemon, but any game that takes their focus off of God?  Are they devoted to God or Pokemon or Gears of War or Modern Warfare?  If we really want to strip it all away, anything that comes before God is destructive, right?  So, watching movies, drinking too much, spending too much money…all of these things have the potential to destroy.  I mean, come on, I still remember standing in long lines with costume clad followers, clamouring at the chance to get a ticket to watch a dark figure, who was empowered by a very dark force, say, “Luke, I am your father!”

Its our responsibility as parents to teach our kids limits and boundaries, not to isolate them.  Deuteronomy 6 says, “TRAIN a child in the way they should go…”, not keep the child from ever having to make decisions of boundaries and limits for themselves.  Training insinuates that it is ongoing.  That we are supposed to grab every opportunity that presents itself, and help point our kids back to God.  So, lets use this time to really research and ask the hard questions.  Our kids will be better for it.

So, here is the practical part.  You are the parent.  You get to make the decision.  Here are some points, after having played the game, that should be considered.  (The information below was provided by “gallowsCalibrator”, an anonymous participant in a forum I found talking about Pokemon.  I have modified the responses, but the points of contention totally are his/hers):

Pokemon is short for Pocket Monsters. It can be taken as that you have the little critters in your pocket in the form of a game – or that when you “catch” a Pokemon, you keep them in small pocket-size balls. These are known as Pokeballs. According to the show, they are smaller than the palm of your hand (think tiny clementine orange) until you go to release them – at which point the ball becomes a little bigger than a standard sized hand (about the size of a large navel orange).

In the world of Pokemon Games, there are no cats and dogs, rats or fish as we know them. Instead, you have creatures that look like God’s creations. For instance: Meowth (cat), Growlithe (dog), rat (Rattata), and fish (Goldine).

So, here we go…
1) The idea of catching and battling nature’s creatures.   Some complaints may arise about how the nature of the game is to capture wild animals (Pokemon) and raise them by pitting them into battle with other captures animals. With everything surrounding the Michael Vick dogfighting scandal, we now understand that animals are exploited everyday.  However, in the make-believe world of Pokemon, most of the Pokemon are actually happy battling. For instance, in the game Pokemon Yellow – one of the Pokemon (Pikachu) actually follows behind you as a partner. At first, Pikachu doesn’t like you. However, the more you use him in battle, the happier he becomes.

2) Evolution.  There have been concerns with the idea of evolution. While the English translation is indeed called evolution, it has no correlation to the Theory of Evolution. Here is an evolution chart from the original 150 Pokemon. By clicking on the names, you can see pictures of what each little critter looks like – which in most cases, the “Evolution” is just age development.

A great example is Growlithe who is a puppy. This cute little guy “evolves” into Arcanine who resembles a grown-up version of Growlithe. Meowth is a cute little cat who is playful and mischievous (sounds like a kitten…) who evolves into the sophisticated and ‘stuck-up’ Persian.

3) Cultural References.  There are themes of Buddhist belief in the game, but only very minimal. Examples of this are that most ghost Pokemon do not have feet, the dead are remembered in Towers, and there are seers and psychics – as such are believed in Japanese culture.  Most, if not all, kids wouldn’t even pick up on these themes.  If you have a very inquisitive child, make sure you emphasize question #3 below and talk often about it.

4) The use of Magic.  While the things the imaginary creatures do are extraordinary, really they are all a natural part of what that creature does.  Its much like saying that the frog’s tongue is magic because it can extend to over 5x its total body length to catch its dinner.  It simply is what that creature does, and the trainer merely helps the creature develop its skills.

Here are some questions to ask about your child that may help determine if Pokemon, or any game for that matter, is appropriate for them to play:

1) How old is my child?  The average age of the Pokemon player is 8.  Cognitively speaking, an 8-year-old is very much a concrete thinker.  That means concepts like the Trinity, God’s omnipresence, and the stock market are foreign to them.  They think like this: God created Adam – God created Eve – Adam and Eve sinned – God kicked them out – etc, etc.  They are linear, one thought thinkers.  So, when the concept of Ghosts and battling come up, will your child be able to differentiate between reality and fantasy or will they have some difficulty distinguishing between the two?

2) Does my child have boundaries already in place?  This is very important because when they come to you with those big, brown eyes and ask to play 3 more hours, after they have already been playing all day, are you going to allow it or are you going to teach them about boundaries and time limits?  Its much easier if they are already in place.

3) Does my child have a solid, and age-appropriate understanding of who God is?  If you have a typical 8-year-old, they should be able to tell you that God loves them because he sent Jesus to die for our sins.  Will they get all the nuances that surrounds that statement?  Maybe not yet, but that foundational truth has been set for you to build upon.  Then would be a great opportunity to talk about the fact that God is the ultimate authority and has power over everything.

So what does all this mean?  It means that we, as parents, have been given a tough choice.  We have to constantly decide how much of our kids’ culture we allow them to be exposed to.  Remember, Jesus asks us to, “go into all the world and make disciples of all men,…”  I do recognize that we have a responsibility to keep our kids safe, but if we use whatever our kids are into to point them to Jesus, then we don’t have to worry about Charmander or Jynx leading our kids astray.  If we are involved in our kids’ lives, then there should be nothing to fear, because Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”  You can do this thing called parenting, and you have been equipped to do it well.  Seize your opportunity!

Here is a list of what your kids need to bring as well as a consent form:

1) Nintendo DS

2) DS charger

3) Black or White version of Pokemon

4) A good attitude!

Please have 6 different pokemon picked out to play with during tournament.  You will give a list of your 6 pokemon upon registration.  You may not change your pokemon once the games begin.  You may not use the following Pokemon: RESHIRAM, ZEKROM, VICTINI, KYREM, SKY DROP or DARK VOID.  We are going to allow you  to have 2 (two) Legendary pokemon as part of your 6.

We will be using the IRR  for battle, ALL pokemon will have HP levels dropped to 50.  All moves learned however will be kept.

NO EXTERNAL DEVICES ARE ALLOWED DURING TOURNAMENT PLAY

PARENTS !!!!  It is important that your child understands the above mentioned rules, also, once your child has lost their round they will be free to battle others who are out as well.  That way they still get to play.  PLEASE NOTE:  There will be some who will want to “TRADE” pokemon.  Please talk with your child about this and then sign and select whether allowed or not allowed to trade.  We don’t want a child to go home and be upset because they participated in a trade and then wished they hadn’t.

_______________________________ is  ALLOWED  /   NOT ALLOWED to trade Pokemon during the SCC tournament.

(Participant)

____________________________________________

Parent signature

If you have any questions please call/email me

Joni Kay Shaw

317-364-7232  jonishaw@att.net

Here are 10 things that I know my kids have observed from us over the years:

5. Time: our kids know that we like to spend time together. When they see us steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go in the hot tub, or go on a date night, or sneak away for the weekend…that’s a good message I want them to see.

You can read the whole article here.  Check it out, it’s worth it.

When: Friday April 20th and Saturday April 21st

Where: Anderson University, Anderson IN

Who: All guys 6th – 8th grades

Cost: $55 if paid by March 7th, or $65 by March 28th.

Sign up here.

What is it?

(From www.ciy.com/believe)

One of the most important things we can do is to point kids to God’s Word. Daily feeding all the kids in our ministries isn’t feasible. They eventually must become people of the Word themselves.  The 2012 Believe tour is going to take a full weekend to point kids to the awesome power of God’s Word.  Even as our staff has discussed elements to involve kids we found ourselves struck with the triteness used to simply say, “God’s Word”. These are, in fact, the very WORDS OF GOD. These words should be said slowly and with great awe!  Many questions remain in the hearts of our kids: how do we know this IS God’s word; how did we get an English version & how do we KNOW it’s a correct translation? Did the places and people recorded in the Bible ever really exist?

Join the Believe team as JP and Eric take your kids on an epic journey discovering the very places where Moses heard from God or where Jesus taught the five thousand. Ultimately, kids will be challenged to respond to the Word of God and begin hiding it in their hearts.

Many kids have seen pictures of the promise land or biblically historic places in Rome. While at Believe, JP will be a peer to peer bridge, connecting kids to the reality of God’s Kingdom in historical places around the world.  The videos will serve as educational pieces that also build JP’s credibility when speaking live on stage at Believe.  Every talk JP gives live will be launched from the video content and will also include an archeological artifact (recreated model or actual artifact from the Vankampen collection) that supports the authenticity of God’s Word.

JP has a personal interest and connection to Biblical archeology that is evident as she speaks authoritatively on the subject.  Her grandfather worked the last 20 years of his life preserving rare Bible manuscripts from around the world in an effort to increase Biblical literacy and appreciation for those who’ve died defending it.

In a culture where truth is relevant and kids accept computer generated images as reality, Believe will go to the places where God became flesh and dwelt among us. Through eyewitness accounts we will point to actual places and people God used to bring us His Word.

Fourteen-year-old Claire August has fond memories of Valentine’s Day. Last year, a seventh-grade classmate she was dating gave her a little box of candy hearts.

Nearly half of 11- to 14-year-olds have had what they consider to be “boyfriends” or “girlfriends,” research shows. That doesn’t mean they talk. Texting is just fine. Sue Shellenbarger has details on Lunch Break.

It was one of the few times during their monthlong relationship that they talked face-to-face. Like most tweens, Claire, who lives in Davis, Calif., and her crush communicated almost entirely via text message and Facebook. When her mother Anne Smith asked Claire if they had held hands, she replied, “Oh, Mom, no. It’s junior high!” They even broke up via text message.

Nearly half of 11- to 14-year-olds say they have been in a dating relationship, according to a 2008 survey of 1,043 tweens by Tru, a Chicago youth market-research firm, for Liz Claiborne. A larger share—60%—think parents should let middle-schoolers date, according to a recent online poll of 787 users by Yoursphere, a social-networking website for tweens and teens.

But “dating” in middle school doesn’t mean what many adults think. Tween couples talk mostly via text and chat. Their relationships are fleeting but all-consuming. They date in packs—but expect their boyfriends and girlfriends to be monogamous. And they keep their parents largely in the dark.

Anthony Conselatore didn’t tell his parents the first time he asked a girl out, at age 12. “I was nervous, and we really didn’t talk much while we were dating,” says the Potomac Falls, Va., teen. “We’d see each other in the hallway for five minutes, then go to classes and not talk to each other again until the next week.” Within a couple of months, he adds, “she fell in love with a different guy, and she broke up with me,” he says. “It happens.”

Now 14, Anthony is “more than friends” with a girl at school. When he sees her in the hall, “we give each other a hug and go on with our lives,” he says. But they fire more than 300 text messages back and forth each day. If they do go out, they go in a pack of friends because it helps avoid “that awkward moment, when we’re staring at each other for five minutes, not saying anything,” Anthony says.

Still, tweens endure their most awkward social moments in a fishbowl. When a classmate approached 13-year-old Nicholas Kelly in the school cafeteria to ask him out, she brought a friend for “moral support,” Nicholas says. “My friends thought it was hilarious,” says Nicholas, now 16. “She was more popular than me, and my friends were, like, ‘Dang, she just asked you out?’ ” He and the girl agreed to go to a movie with a group of friends, says Nicholas, of Batavia, Ill.

“We dated for seven days,” mostly by text message, Nicholas says. “In middle school, a long relationship is a month. Anything over that and your friends say, ‘Omigod, you guys have been together that long?’ ” He adds, “Then, she broke up with me. I lay on my bed staring at the wall for three hours, and then it was, like, ‘OK, I’ve got a life,’ ” and he went out with his friends and forgot about it.

Now a sophomore, Nicholas says he has more social skills and sees the girl he is dating more often. “We understand each other,” he says.

Talk about dating becomes pervasive when kids turn 9 or 10, amid earlier onset of puberty and social pressure to grow up fast, experts say. “Sometimes parents think it’s really cute” when young kids date, but children lack the skills to handle it, including setting personal boundaries and knowing they have the right to privacy, says Rosalind Wiseman, author of “Queen Bees & Wannabes,” the book that inspired the film “Mean Girls.”

Several tweens I interviewed said they agreed to date someone not because they wanted to, but because they didn’t know how to say no.

Karen Kruse was startled when her 11-year-old daughter, Olivia, came home from sixth grade last fall saying a classmate told her that his friend “liked her and was going to ask her out on a date,” says Ms. Kruse, of Phoenix. Olivia said no, with encouragement from her brother, Joshua, 13, and her mom. At that stage, Joshua says, dating is mostly about social status: “Kids want all their friends to know they’re going out with so-and-so.”

Much of tweens’ dating behavior reflects what they think they “should” do, based on “what they see on TV, in movies or among older kids,” says Vanessa Van Petten, a Portland, Ore., author and founder of RadicalParenting.com, a parenting-advice website written by kids.

More than 1 in 4 tweens say oral sex and intercourse are part of tween relationships, the Liz Claiborne survey found. That doesn’t mean 1 in 4 tweens are engaging in those behaviors, however. Respondents were answering a question about dating behavior in general at that age, rather than their own conduct.

Anne Smith, Claire’s mom, believes banning dating outright is a mistake; “the kids just do it anyway. And then you have no communication with them,” she says. Instead, she permits Claire to ride her bike occasionally to the mall or a movie with friends.

A kid’s first crush poses an opportunity to teach values, Ms. Wiseman says. A parent might say, “Tell me what you like about this person,” and explore whether the child knows what distinguishes healthy relationships from harmful ones.

Lisa Conselatore, Anthony’s mother, monitors her son’s late-night texting. If he misses too much sleep, she takes away the cellphone for a while. She has taught him what kind of photos are appropriate to send to others. And she is satisfied that his social life is “well-rounded,” and that he balances dating with other friendships.

One parenting expert advises that the best place to date is at home. When parents open up their homes so kids can get together, says Mary Kay Hoal, founder and president of Yoursphere in Davis, Calif., they lay the groundwork for continued involvement during the next stage of high drama—the high school years.

Young couples have long signaled their devotion to each other by various means — the gift of a letterman jacket, or an exchange of class rings or ID bracelets. Best friends share locker combinations.

The digital era has given rise to a more intimate custom. It has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords to e-mail, Facebook and other accounts. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private e-mails and texts.

This article is from Homeward.  We highly recommend you taking the time to read their writings and subscribe to their site.  It is worth it!  Here’s the article:

They say they know such digital entanglements are risky, because a souring relationship can lead to people using online secrets against each other. But that, they say, is part of what makes the symbolism of the shared password so powerful.

It doesn’t always end so well, of course. Changing a password is simple, but students, counselors and parents say that damage is often done before a password is changed, or that the sharing of online lives can be the reason a relationship falters.

The stories of fallout include a spurned boyfriend in junior high who tries to humiliate his ex-girlfriend by spreading her e-mail secrets; tensions between significant others over scouring each other’s private messages for clues of disloyalty or infidelity; or grabbing a cellphone from a former best friend, unlocking it with a password and sending threatening texts to someone else.

In a 2011 telephone survey, the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that 30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. The survey, of 770 teenagers aged 12 to 17, found that girls were almost twice as likely as boys to share. And in more than two dozen interviews, parents, students and counselors said that the practice had become widespread.

Source: New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/18/us/teenagers-sharing-passwords-as-show-of-affection.html?_r=2

It’s back! Don’t miss Dream On, the 2012 production of The Revolve Tour! We’ll be in Indianapolis, IN on      March 24, 2012 with real-life stories, dance-worthy music, and morefun than you can handle combined in a high-energy, inspirational, life-changing Saturday event for teen girls! The best seats go first—register today!

Event Times: Saturday 12:00 pm – 7:00 pm